Busta, Stripper V and Me Keep Austin Weird

"This is the WORST night ever! I want to go back to Houston right now! I'm crying & you're bleeding! I hate Austin!"

This is the story of why Susan LOVES Austin...

It all started with a gin martini at this mod, yet not pretensious, bar called the Foundation. Stripper V & Busta's cousin was in town on business...in tow, his 80 yr old boss. A dirty billionaire that smokes SUPER long cigarettes. Love that. We're drinking along thinking how friendly people are in Austin. Enter Saturday's conquest, Baron de Intercontinental. We all three chat with him for a while, but decide it's time to move on...to Lucky Lounge. Ahhhh...Lucky Lounge. If there is one bar that lives up to its name...it's this one. I spy these two normal looking boys (ok...so pathetic looking to the sober eye, but normal after 3 drinks). I decide to make out with the one that is the spitting image of Jim Carey from Dumb & Dumber plus an uber think Texas accent. You know, the kind that makes you sound ignorant...not the kind that makes you sound sexy...like Matthew McConahey (I know...I just spelled it phonetically). So, apparently, I'm LOVING the kissing with Dumb & Dumber, and SV & Busta keep trying to save me from making a fool of myself. I wasn't trying to hear that. I just kept on suckin face with tard muff. So, it's about to turn 2. I have NO idea how I ended up in the parking garage with the Cous, but I did. Then I started swaping spit with cute Cousin boy! Man...We somehow all meet up at Katz's Never Kloses & that's when things get sloppy...

I'm trying to convince Cous to locate some coke. I have NO idea why. I don't do that crap AT ALL. Never have...don't imagine I ever will. He's too drunk...he's just worried that I will make it a night with Dumb & Dumber. Thank all the goodness in the world that didn't happen. Eeesh. We end up with Busta's key & directions to her place for the cabbie. Cous has to make a suspicious stop at the convenience store on our way. Somewhere between the hot & heavy muggin' & the & all the heavy groping the cabbie dropped us off...at the WRONG complex! Turns out we are two miles from where we should be. I HATE THAT CABBIE! Cous & I decide we can hike it to Busta's. I'm FREEZING & in heels so Cous decides it would be a great idea for one over served person to give another over served person at piggy back ride. So, I hop on. That same instant...we both topple to the ground. It was more like a piece of ply wood falling from an upright position. I hop up & laugh a little until I notice Cous isn't getting up. He's laying prostrate in the middle of the street. He finally stands up & blood is dripping from his split lip & nose. I'm drunk so I'm whiping blood from his face & he's yelling at me, "When you piggyback ride you don't lean forward. LEAN BACK!" I told him to stop blaming it on me...So, he did.

About another half mile down the road I say, "So, do you have Busta's key?"
"No, I gave it to you!"
"No you didn't! You had it when we were holding hands!"

Neither of us could find the key. This is where I sit on the curb & BAWL. Cous is bleeding...I'm bawling. We eventually sort of pull it together & find a mail room in some random apt complex to get us out of the cold. We sit down, Cous still bleeds & Susan still cry and we wait. Busta wakes up her very good friend to get the spare key...drops the real Dumb & Dumber off at her apt...Drops Stripper V off at Cutie J's house & she heads to one of her Boy Toy's houses.

What a mess. So, That was Friday night from about 10:15 to about 4:45a. Damn.

To be continued...