So much to say, So much to say, So much to say, So much to say..

Ahhhh...the absolute best Dave Matthews line in a song. So, first off...Last Friday night was off the chain. I'm not even mentioning what bar my presence was, but I'm sure C & a C fans know. Fans...that's hilarious. Anywho, somehow Stripper V and I end up at these 22 yr olds house in the butt freaking 9th ward of H-ton. Apparently, H-ton (not H-town) is the new hip way to refer to Houston. I learned this from that Beyonce/Slim Thug song "Check Up On It". I ran into ST at the media screening of Hustle & Flow. I had ZERO idea who he was, but Brown Sugah immediately informed me of my ignorant ways! Back to Friday. Stripper V is feeling the effects of 5 Rum & Diet Cokes. The Chris's, Reggie's, Frank's, Malachy's and whoever the hell else was there TOTALLY did not mind. She's working the room like old skool Carmen Electra in an interview with Howard Stern...hoping from one harmless lap dance to the next. I was watching, eye's filled with astonishment, that a hard core, suburban raised, white girl can gyrate. Seriously, her dancing alone would be illegal in like 47 countries. They were ALL, and I mean all 6 of them coming up to me asking me if she was a stripper! "Seriously, Susan...is your friend a stripper? Where does she work normally?" Hence the name Stripper V. I'm so jealous. I might have a lot to 'check up on' but I can not shake it worth a damn. I believe Stripper V was even awarded a few dollars for her efforts. Mozel Tov!

Fast forward to Monday when my GYN played "What Up Susan's Vag?" and I had to get on these stupid anti biotics that make up my body completely unable to metabolize alcohol. If I even have a couple tablespoons of cough syrup I will get violently ill. I'm SO glad Stripper V is having a party and it's Super Bowl this weekend! Yea! I love being sober...Vomit. I'm smoking Reds all night long.

Well, that's it. Another meaningless waste of space & ridiculous addition to my unmemorable memiors. So, later...And don't forget to change your tampons.

Anderson Cooper, Tony Hawk & Jet Lee

I'm getting freaking tired of opening posts on this thing with "So, last night was Pub Fiction". Let's try something new. So, last night I hung out at this bar in Midtown that just happens to be on Smith Street across from the ginormous Specs. Much better. The drinks were flowing. The cigs were plentiful. The scenery was pleasant. Our Crew is on the patio (as usual) listening to Johnny B belt out yet another song from his prolific playlist consisting of Brown Eyed Girl, Margaritaville & Crash (into me). I go in to close out my tab as I had reached my drink limit of 2 and thought closing would force me to not drink anymore. Who am I kidding? Closing an Irish girls tab in a pub does not dissuade her from drinking less! We just have to get a little crafty! Anywho, I glance over and see this guy with this stunning head of hair. Ahhhh...mostly gray with a little black interspringled (made up word by my sister). TOTALLY Anderson Cooper. I HAD to tell him his hair was beautiful. Ahhhhh....it was beautiful. He can't hear a thing in the bar...and my voice as loud as it is doesn't carry so well in bars. I'm constantly grabbing peoples faces & ears so they can hear me. Regardless. I totally digging on Anderson. Of course his other friend, the one that can actually hear, ensnares my conversating & I didn't really get to flirt with AC as much as I hoped. Nevertheless, Tony Hawk was cool as shit. (Bump that cliche phrase) We all probably talked for an hour of so...but we didn't talk about anything. It was a total Seinfeld moment. However one of them was NOT impressed with the Susan. Ha. I love people like that. It really makes me try hard to tell super funny/self depricating jokes to get them to like me. Well, it didn't so much work on Jet Lee. They all work for this Houston website. www.houstonist.com It seems...like it's a start up venture at the moment, but it's pretty cool as far as local sites go. I honestly wish there was more to this story, but here it ends. I'm not cute enough for them to ask for my number...but definitely cool enough for these fellow pseudo writers to talk to for an hour. It was an hour well spent. Unfortunately, it wasn't a better blog post. Actually, this is a really lame blog post. It's like a plotless Pauly Shore movie. Ha...I totally don't even know who Pauly Shore is or what he's done...but there's that line in Clueless where Cher says, "It's like trying to find meaning in a Pauly Shore movie". I figure if you say something with enough convicition then most people won't question you. They just assume you know what you're talking about & everyone moves on thinking you've just said something astonishingly witty. When in all actuality you have no freaking frocking idea what you're talking about. Of course, it will inevitably back fire. But then you just fess up in the cutest mannerr possible & people still think you're funny. I should rename this The Secret of Susan's Subterfugal Stories or How to Be Funny without actually being so - 101.

"She was what most of us are in the end...just opinions"

Alone yesterday afternoon I saw Brokeback Mountain. I was expecting to cry more during the show...but the message didn't really hit me until I was walking to my car. Human beings are so quick to put things in categories. It makes it easier to for us to form opinions, have guidelines, and seek out other people that fill that feindish hollowness. And that's cool. But this movie was so much more than gay cowboys. It was about not being able to be with someone you love. Right or wrong many of us have been there. My eternal example is Pinot. This was our movie. We cannot be together...for reasons. But, that doesn't mean I won't always love him. It's a long story. So, I looked like a fool walking back to my car...my eyes dripping uncontrollable tears...my ches hurting and burning...longing for that person who makes me forget him.

"2006 has promise"

Quote from a favorite friend in this years White House Christmas card. If only I believed it. I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to talk about how life as advanced or what wonderful things have gone on in 2005, but I don't want to. Ok, let's try...
1) I started going to a church that everyone thinks could be the next Branch of the Davidians
2) I met more married men that were 'interested' in me than unmarried ones. That was pretty awesome
3) I got a cat that I like more than most homo-sapiens
4) I spent way too much money on booze and clothes

Euphomistically, let's call it a 'transition' year. Reality would name it 'rather shitty'.

Anywho, let's talk about New Years Eve. I was informed by some underaged yahoo of a chick that [I look] awesome for 25 and [she hopes she] looks that good when she's that old. WTF. The next morning this dude that I've hung out with twice now...both times he tried to 'get with me'...was talking to his friends about how he's really lost it because even the 'fat chick' wouldn't sleep with him last night. Wow. That was an insanely awesome thing to say. And even cooler to over hear when no one thinks you can. In case you were wondering, Fat = Desperate to do it with Neandrethal-esque drunkards from the backwoods of Louisiana. So, my experiences in 2006 haven't yet panned out to 'promise'. But I suppose I have 360 some odd days to change my fate.

A change of 'scene and society' perhaps? Probably not scene, but definitely society.