"Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And..... dance like no one's watching."
Quote-courtesy of an inner office email I received today. At first glance some sap might find the above quote inspiration. But let us take a closer look.
"Work like you don't need money". Ok...If I was to work like I don't need money nothing would get done. I would surf the internet ALL day instead of half the day. I would say exactly what I was thinking to my bossES. I would leave at 3:30 everyday to ensure I caught every second of Oprah. I would wear pajamas and house shoes to work. I would...get fired.
"Love like you've never been hurt". If I was to do this...what kind of rational/validation could I give to past relationships? What use would they be? I do not believe anymore in the idea that every "next" boyfriend is a little bit better than the last one...Inching you closer to the proverbial Mr. Right. I do, however, believe every boyfriend (and I use this term loosely) should teach you something about relationships, boy behavior, and in general, life. If I was to truly love like I have never been hurt...It would be like saying I was going to act the same way in every relationship from here on out like I did with S.Aaron. I think everyone might agree that's a bad idea. I was 15/16 at the time. This is silly.
"Dance like no one's watching". Please, for dignity's sake...don't do this. Chances are...you probably look like a moron. Now...I do believe in getting crunk, dancing and having fun...but if you always do this...chances are...you will never get laid again. Take my advice....Sometimes when you're out at da club...It's better to think people are watching.
There's my cynical advice for Thursday. Now remember it tonight when you're out at 80's night at Pub Fiction...or sipping wine at the Hotel San Jose.
Does anyone else find it ironic that I just shot out work, love, and dancing advice? Good...me too.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Be Cool
"Yolanda, I thought you were gonna be cool. When you yell at me, it makes me nervous. When I get nervous, I get scared. And when motherfuckers get scared, that's when motherfuckers get accidentally shot."
So, I’ve found recently there are really only two ways to “be cool” in Austin.
A) You have to be writing/producing/filming/casting a ‘film’. Not a movie. OH NO! Movies are those things Hollywood puts out. Hollywood is a bad word. If you don’t do it like Kevin Smith did Clerks…you aren’t making a cool enough movie. However, it seems that local bloggers and other cool seekers are obsessed with the fact that Quentin Tarantino/Robert Rodriguez are shooting a "Grindhouse" flick here in beautiful Austin.
B) You must be in some sort of band. Either play by yourself on the street corner with a hat full of tarnished dimes, or have a weekly gig at the Lucky Lounge every Tuesday night at 11. You obviously don’t care enough about your music if you don’t wake up in a puddle of cum just thinking about playing at Waterloo Records. Also, the only act you don’t know all the words to that’s playing ACL this year is the Palm Elementary School choir.
So, I’ve resigned myself to un-coolness. Unless of course some film/band is in need of a classically trained flautist. ;)
So, I’ve found recently there are really only two ways to “be cool” in Austin.
A) You have to be writing/producing/filming/casting a ‘film’. Not a movie. OH NO! Movies are those things Hollywood puts out. Hollywood is a bad word. If you don’t do it like Kevin Smith did Clerks…you aren’t making a cool enough movie. However, it seems that local bloggers and other cool seekers are obsessed with the fact that Quentin Tarantino/Robert Rodriguez are shooting a "Grindhouse" flick here in beautiful Austin.
B) You must be in some sort of band. Either play by yourself on the street corner with a hat full of tarnished dimes, or have a weekly gig at the Lucky Lounge every Tuesday night at 11. You obviously don’t care enough about your music if you don’t wake up in a puddle of cum just thinking about playing at Waterloo Records. Also, the only act you don’t know all the words to that’s playing ACL this year is the Palm Elementary School choir.
So, I’ve resigned myself to un-coolness. Unless of course some film/band is in need of a classically trained flautist. ;)
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
if the wound is not mine
Recently, I received the following MySpace email….
Hey, so I’m sorry I haven’t called or returned your text the other night. I realize I’m a weiner for doing this on myspace, but here it is. That Saturday we went out, I had gone on a date Friday night, anyways I’ve been kind of seeing that girl ever since.
So, just thought I’d explain. Maybe we can still hang and be friends, I’m not sure, you might hate me or you might not even care. Females are still a complete mystery to me.
Aaron
The name…not changed to protect the innocent…because…well…he’s not innocent. This is the same dork boy that was mentioned in the blow blog. I found this email only disturbing due to my ego that does not enjoy bruising of any kind. My ego card…declined. Life does not take Ego credit. However, this is still priceless. I’ve been in advertising far too long.
I know I’m going to catch so my slack for my next comment…but I care not. I wish he had just stopped calling/returning messages. The oxidizing scorn felt traversing the 200 miles from Houston to Austin.
Now allow me to explain. I went out on one date…one date with the above yahoo. Does this really deserve a break up email of sorts? No. This got me to thinking. Why the hell would anyone write such an email after having one date with the person?
My theory:
This boy really was a huge dork in high school. Now time has been good to him. He did come out of his shell and join the legions in the social world. He did grow into his then awkward looks and even shot up a few inches. However, I noticed the time we were sitting in the heavy heat of an Austin summer on the deck at Opal Divines throwing back a few smooth, amber, foreign beers, that he would NOT stop saying things like: you know…we were a bunch of frat boys. And you know I lived with a bunch of frat boys. And the only time I got arrested I was with all the frat boys. I dismissed it then…but I think there is more to this. He’s reassuring himself that he is in fact cool now. He also talked about all these hot girls he’s dated since high school…another indicator of insecurities. Of course, I retaliate with some swanky charity event I went to in Dallas with J and a couple of ridiculous Reality Television “Stars” and how they were all in love with me, but I was good and went home to my boyfriend…who just so happens to own two wine bars in Dallas now. Ok…So, I’m insecure and immature too. Whatever.
More on his personality. He’s never been one to be overly considerate. So, why now would he be so nice as to “explain” why he wasn’t calling anymore? Why I wondered. I wondered and wondered. Not because I care that much. You know I would tell you if I did. It’s pretty much like this. I didn’t have much to do Saturday afternoon but sit around with Frank and his fresh feline friends. This boredom birthed my theory. Maybe…just maybe he felt compelled to write me this email as one last ego boost for him. The response I think he might have been seeking was something like this: ah well that’s just too bad. I had such a nice time with you. Yes, we should stay in touch and most definitely be friends. Or maybe something along these lines: Who the hell do you think you are? Why would a cool girl like me give two shits about a dork boy like you? Both, quite satisfying to the ego. Example A) I’m a sweet girl with a nice temperament that really liked him and wanted to see what would happen and is quite sad about the fact that HE rejected me. Example B) I was SO upset by the email that I lashed out, uncharacteristically, and am still quite sad about the fact the HE rejected me. Both responses caressed and massaged his still healing wounds of former dorkdom.
The following is a true testament of how I responed:
I guess I have to stop planning our wedding now. I kid I kid. Totally cool.
Lemme know whenever you wanna kick it.
Quite unsatisfying to the ego. I took it like a champ. Rose above the occasion and thrust the joke back on him. Needless to say…there has been absolutely no response from him…nor any attempt to contact me as ‘common and indifferent acquaintances’. In the words of a modern day Robert Frost, “I don’t wanna be the bandage if the wound is not mine”.
So, boys. This is what you’ve all been waiting for! Just stop calling. I’m not gonna rub you haired and matted underbelly of an ego. I’m not. Well, not if you stop rubbing mine. No one likes an insecure buggar.
Hey, so I’m sorry I haven’t called or returned your text the other night. I realize I’m a weiner for doing this on myspace, but here it is. That Saturday we went out, I had gone on a date Friday night, anyways I’ve been kind of seeing that girl ever since.
So, just thought I’d explain. Maybe we can still hang and be friends, I’m not sure, you might hate me or you might not even care. Females are still a complete mystery to me.
Aaron
The name…not changed to protect the innocent…because…well…he’s not innocent. This is the same dork boy that was mentioned in the blow blog. I found this email only disturbing due to my ego that does not enjoy bruising of any kind. My ego card…declined. Life does not take Ego credit. However, this is still priceless. I’ve been in advertising far too long.
I know I’m going to catch so my slack for my next comment…but I care not. I wish he had just stopped calling/returning messages. The oxidizing scorn felt traversing the 200 miles from Houston to Austin.
Now allow me to explain. I went out on one date…one date with the above yahoo. Does this really deserve a break up email of sorts? No. This got me to thinking. Why the hell would anyone write such an email after having one date with the person?
My theory:
This boy really was a huge dork in high school. Now time has been good to him. He did come out of his shell and join the legions in the social world. He did grow into his then awkward looks and even shot up a few inches. However, I noticed the time we were sitting in the heavy heat of an Austin summer on the deck at Opal Divines throwing back a few smooth, amber, foreign beers, that he would NOT stop saying things like: you know…we were a bunch of frat boys. And you know I lived with a bunch of frat boys. And the only time I got arrested I was with all the frat boys. I dismissed it then…but I think there is more to this. He’s reassuring himself that he is in fact cool now. He also talked about all these hot girls he’s dated since high school…another indicator of insecurities. Of course, I retaliate with some swanky charity event I went to in Dallas with J and a couple of ridiculous Reality Television “Stars” and how they were all in love with me, but I was good and went home to my boyfriend…who just so happens to own two wine bars in Dallas now. Ok…So, I’m insecure and immature too. Whatever.
More on his personality. He’s never been one to be overly considerate. So, why now would he be so nice as to “explain” why he wasn’t calling anymore? Why I wondered. I wondered and wondered. Not because I care that much. You know I would tell you if I did. It’s pretty much like this. I didn’t have much to do Saturday afternoon but sit around with Frank and his fresh feline friends. This boredom birthed my theory. Maybe…just maybe he felt compelled to write me this email as one last ego boost for him. The response I think he might have been seeking was something like this: ah well that’s just too bad. I had such a nice time with you. Yes, we should stay in touch and most definitely be friends. Or maybe something along these lines: Who the hell do you think you are? Why would a cool girl like me give two shits about a dork boy like you? Both, quite satisfying to the ego. Example A) I’m a sweet girl with a nice temperament that really liked him and wanted to see what would happen and is quite sad about the fact that HE rejected me. Example B) I was SO upset by the email that I lashed out, uncharacteristically, and am still quite sad about the fact the HE rejected me. Both responses caressed and massaged his still healing wounds of former dorkdom.
The following is a true testament of how I responed:
I guess I have to stop planning our wedding now. I kid I kid. Totally cool.
Lemme know whenever you wanna kick it.
Quite unsatisfying to the ego. I took it like a champ. Rose above the occasion and thrust the joke back on him. Needless to say…there has been absolutely no response from him…nor any attempt to contact me as ‘common and indifferent acquaintances’. In the words of a modern day Robert Frost, “I don’t wanna be the bandage if the wound is not mine”.
So, boys. This is what you’ve all been waiting for! Just stop calling. I’m not gonna rub you haired and matted underbelly of an ego. I’m not. Well, not if you stop rubbing mine. No one likes an insecure buggar.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
fear.realized
Years of proselytizing. Years of condescention. Years of fear. The fear of what it might do to me. Yes, friends. The dreaded cable abled television. Last night I watched...super glued to the boob tube...Project Runway. Not only did I watch it...oh no. I made myself stay awake to watch it. We all know I can go to bed at 7:30 any given night...but not last night. I was captivated. Would poor Vincent who cashed out his 401K to restart his murky fashion career get the boot? Would it be rock star designer, Jeffrey, in desperate need of a Pantene scrub? Or, "I'm such an idiot, I don't even know how to sew with a machine", Stacey? Thank God it was idiot Stacey.
So, I say all that to say this. I've been Anakin'ed...waiting for Luke to release me from my black prison.
So, I say all that to say this. I've been Anakin'ed...waiting for Luke to release me from my black prison.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Keep Austin Kissing...
I miss you guys. Isn't it crazy that I feel connected to people by typing this stupid blog? I mean...that's kinda dumb, but whatever.
I feel like so much has happened...and yet...nothing has really happened that's much different. Well, I had plans every night after work this week! How fun is that? So, all the money I intend to "save" by getting a roommate will probably be wasted on booze and bar food. I shouldn't say wasted. Thursday night was probably my favorite. I sat around this very Austin-y tappas place with Blondie. It's amazing how your religio-political views come out so much more clearly after a couple three glasses of wine! Didn't Mr Ward say "a couple three"? Isn't that a Ward-ism? Yikes. Kick Step Heel-Up Halt!
I'm still pretty much homeless and staying with Serial Dater. I swear...Hugh Hefner doesn't have as many dates as she does!!! She's like a machine!
Lucky Lounge has lived up to its name once again. Now, before you start shaking your heads Gauc Boy & Brown Sug...I have not slept with anyone yet. However, I did run into a former dork boy from high school. I love it when dork boys grow up to be...well...not dorky anymore. But my favorite is when they profess their love to me. Yes...it's an ego trip ok. Who doesn't like a good ego trip now and then? It's the only real vacation I can afford.
After a night of boozing in Austin
Susan...you know...you were my dream girl in high school
[trying to looked shocked, bc it was terribly obvious back then]
Really?!?! Awwww that's really cute.
Yeah...I remember that you would always share your book with me in Dr Rogers' class. You were really nice...too nice. But you were always dating that guy that wore the tight retro shirts from Value Village. Stephen Aaron.
[wow...you remember his name still...I know for a fact you guys weren't friends-if I wasn't so loopy I probably would have thought that was creepy]
Making out ensues.
I've wanted to do that for ten years.
Well, thank God you're good at it...or we probably both would have been dissapointed.
It most definitely was above average kissing. I love kissing...It's my favorite. The rest of the details bore me...So, I'm not going to waste time by telling you. I'll probably never hear from him again...you know...bc that's how my life works. But it was a nice little 'welcome to town' package!
I feel like so much has happened...and yet...nothing has really happened that's much different. Well, I had plans every night after work this week! How fun is that? So, all the money I intend to "save" by getting a roommate will probably be wasted on booze and bar food. I shouldn't say wasted. Thursday night was probably my favorite. I sat around this very Austin-y tappas place with Blondie. It's amazing how your religio-political views come out so much more clearly after a couple three glasses of wine! Didn't Mr Ward say "a couple three"? Isn't that a Ward-ism? Yikes. Kick Step Heel-Up Halt!
I'm still pretty much homeless and staying with Serial Dater. I swear...Hugh Hefner doesn't have as many dates as she does!!! She's like a machine!
Lucky Lounge has lived up to its name once again. Now, before you start shaking your heads Gauc Boy & Brown Sug...I have not slept with anyone yet. However, I did run into a former dork boy from high school. I love it when dork boys grow up to be...well...not dorky anymore. But my favorite is when they profess their love to me. Yes...it's an ego trip ok. Who doesn't like a good ego trip now and then? It's the only real vacation I can afford.
After a night of boozing in Austin
Susan...you know...you were my dream girl in high school
[trying to looked shocked, bc it was terribly obvious back then]
Really?!?! Awwww that's really cute.
Yeah...I remember that you would always share your book with me in Dr Rogers' class. You were really nice...too nice. But you were always dating that guy that wore the tight retro shirts from Value Village. Stephen Aaron.
[wow...you remember his name still...I know for a fact you guys weren't friends-if I wasn't so loopy I probably would have thought that was creepy]
Making out ensues.
I've wanted to do that for ten years.
Well, thank God you're good at it...or we probably both would have been dissapointed.
It most definitely was above average kissing. I love kissing...It's my favorite. The rest of the details bore me...So, I'm not going to waste time by telling you. I'll probably never hear from him again...you know...bc that's how my life works. But it was a nice little 'welcome to town' package!
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