Two Letters Away From Satan

I don't know where to begin with this...For a really long time I've pretty much hated spirituality. It was just too much freakin' work. But, I had somewhat of a break thru this past weekend. My mom is always trying to make me feel guilty for not being a better 'Christian'. The parents are constantly saying they've failed, since my life has waned. That's pretty difficult to hear, when your parents think they are failures because of adult decisions you have made. When, in all honesty and reality, it has not one scintilla of a thing to do with them. I've always realized that they say these things, because they want what's best for me but still hard to hear.

So, I'm almost done with this super awesome book. P.S. I hate using the word awesome...but there it is. The book is called Blue Like Jazz. I was talking to a co-worker yesterday about my little book and was kind of offended when he said, "what is this some kind of Christian theology mixed with secularism?" NO! Then I thought about it...I can TOTALLY see where someone who knows me as two letters away from Satan Susan would think that. So, I'm not offended anymore Guacamole Boy. But really it's not like that at all

I approached it with the sad, but real thought that it was going to suck. It starts out with very honest naratives of the authors childhood, but I didn't completely connect until he talked about his captivation/spiritual connection he had towards the Penguins! After that I was in love. [Refer back to previous entry entitled 'Penguins'] Then he started talking about why it was hard for him to be a Christian. He was constantly 'over-thinking' his mistakes, putting all this pressure on himslelf to be perfect, and experiencing guilt when he inevitably failed. He wrote about grace in a way I'd never really thought about it before. In fact, I'm ashamed to admit, I'd never really disected the word before. I never thought about it's true meaning. It's the single most freeing word in our language. I am insatiably curious as to how it's translated in other languages. Anywho, I'm SO not going to say what he says about it, because I think every Christian who has ever wanted more than the Lakewoods and the Second Baptists of the world should read it. Anyone who has felt out of place for questioning things or disenfranshised by the modern church should read this short book filled with stories that will make you laugh, cry, and ultimately give you hope. I haven't felt true hope for years on end. I've relished in my ignorance all the while missing the amazing things that have been taking place around me.

I didn't know where to start, but I knew that I had to get involved in community like his. My soul yearned for this. Where does a modern girl with slightly obscure views of the world turn, but craigslist. You can look my add up...I just posted it yesterday. It's under the strictly platonic section in the personals box. I tried to find a spirituality or religious section, but there wasn't one. It states "Wanted : A church that doesn't suck". I honestly didn't think anyone would respond, but I did this yesterday at about 3 or 4 pm and I've had ten responses and only one was 'negative'. It wasn't all that negative. In response, he said, Super Happy Fun Land. So, I wrote him back, explaining I too was skeptical, but hope springs eternal. Yeah, he didn't have anything to say to that.

Come to find, many people recommended this place called Ecclesia. I'm uber excited to see if it's worth my excitement.

Later, Peeps.

I hate money

Dear Kevin Rollins/Michael Dell:

I am writing in response to my recent dissatisfaction with the service I received after paying off my account in full. Every month, I had $50 drafted out of my account by the payment by phone department of your company. Concerned that this money would keep coming out of my account after I paid the amount in full, I preemptively called the customer service number to make sure this wouldn't happen. I realize that businesses must be competitive in today's marketplace, but the people I talked to in India could not understand my problem completely. Also, a "Ricky" (we all know that isn't his real name and that, by extension, is degrading to the Indian people) was very condescending when I asked if money would be drafted out of my account after I paid the balance in full. He said, how could we take money out of your account when the account is closed? I said, I don't know, but I was just making sure this wouldn't happen. And what happens July 17th? You got it. The $50 was in fact taken out of my account. I was upset. I called customer service again, got a refund that took three weeks to get to me, and was promised yet again this would not happen next month. And here's where the plot thickens. So, August 17th rolls around. I come into work, turn on my beautiful new DELL desktop my company bought, open up my internet browser and find....the $50 is taken out AGAIN from my account. I am now most seriously displeased. Not only am I out the $50 that is mine...not yours...I have now written checks, paid bills and gone on living as usual thinking I would have the $50. Turns out my bank account is now overdrawn by four transactions. The transactions that posted as overdrawn transactions add up to $42.82. The fees that the Bank of America will post to my account add up to $132. As I am a recent college graduate, working an entry level job, I do not have this kind of money to just throw to overdraft fees. Had I the $50 in my account...that should have in fact been there...I would not be overdrawn, I would not be worrying about whether or not I can pay my electricity bill, rent, buy food, and fill my car with gas. As I have already been scheduled for a refund for the $50, all I ask is the refund of the overdraft fees that occurred because your negligence. As I am positive you are saving millions of dollars a year by taking jobs away from the American people and paying these Indian people $5 a week (a slight exaggeration used for emphasis) I am assured my request for $132 should not be overwhelming to you.

Sleep well,

Pocket Calls

So, I'm sitting at my desk at work. The business is humming along as usual. I'm working on yet another Excel Spreadsheet that I'm sure is of extreme import. My brain is wandering as I enter in the numbers...I'm thinking back to my lousy weekend, where I took the cat to the vet...teared a little when they checked for parasites...and sat around my parents house alone. I couldn't help but stew in my pity a little longer so I threw in some pathetic thoughts about work. Then, a moment of unadluterated ecstasy! My cell phone rang...and it was............Pinot Nior! "Holy Crap Batman!" Could my day be looking up? Could my insatiable lust for self pity & degradation be coming to an end? For a minute I saw that happy picture of a warm Sunday morning....11am...lying in bed....nudging my lover.....So, I answer the phone. Happily but not TOO eagerly I studder, "Hellllllo?" [Rustling of papers] Again I repeat, "Hellllllo....P--?" [rustling continues] Slowly, I begin to realize the truth of all truths. I was the 'victim' of an accidental call....a pocket call. They say everything happens for a reason & God has a sense of humor. I bet one day he & I'll sit back throw back some good Persian wine...probably a shiraz...and have a good laugh about this....but right now....I remain faithfully yours, PISSED.