Fear

It was requested of me to write about my most substantial fear. Ok...here I go...my biggest fear...letting people really get to know me and by extension, rejection. For example, I'm killing myself over here wanting to tell someone that I'm really starting to be crazy for them, but I can't...I feel like I physically can't talk when someone wants me to tell them how I feel about them. Like when I wanted to tell Pinot Nior (PN-get it...get it?) that I still have mad crazy feelings for him...he set me up nicely...and still I said nothing. This is for the sheer fact that I didn't want him coming back and saying that he doesn't care for me at all like that, & we'd never work. I am SO afraid of rejection...I could never be a guy...I'd NEVER have any dates...well, I'd probably have the courage to ask an ugo out...but that's about it.

Anywho...I hate this post...it sux. Thx Brown Sugah.

Lil Bitch

So, I feel like you can't name your blog Condoms & a Cosmo without having a couple salcious stories. So, here we go. A couple nights ago Mr McCartney and I were expressing our attraction for one another. He's really into this porno-style 'love' making. Being a porn sex novice, I was intrigued. So, there I was, on his couch performing fabulous fellatio, when all the sudden, I get bored...So, I stop...look up and frown. Paul then states rather forcibly, 'Don't frown when you suck my dick, lil bithes only smile when they suck my dick'. Then he yanked my hair & made me finish. I know it's weird that I liked it...but I did. If I thought he was being for real, I wouldn't have, but role play is kinda fun. Then I had to scream something about him being bigger than Dirk Diggler. It was hot man. I feel the scorn of the nay-sayers already. Too me it's like a peanut butter & marshmellow cream sandwich...don't knock it until you try it.

Nigel's Swan Song

I posted Nigel on Craigslist on Tuesday...the first person to look at it wanted to buy so we're going thru that whole painstaking process. VOM! But cool since N was posted Tues & 'bought' by Thurs! Not bad Craig! Thanks! So, I had to go to the little MINI dealership (not really a redundancy, but worth mentioning) to get some work doene, and I'll be honest...I teared up a bit. He was my first car that was ALL mine. So, the dude who is adopting Nigel is definitely going to provide him a good him. He's quite the queer with an infatuation with techno. He insisted the we listen to his cd as he was driving MY Nigel around. I thought that was pretty cute actually. My only hesitation is that he's a smoker & Nigel is NOT used to that, but I believe he'll be able to adapt. Ok...pause as I wipe away some tears. Ok, better. Anywho....I will always love you Nigel...you've made Mama so happy for 2 and a half years.

I wanna know what love is...

Is love a fancy, or a feeling? No.
It is immortal as immaculate Truth,
'Tis not a blossom shed as soon as youth,
Drops from the stem of life--for it will grow,
In barren regions, where no waters flow,
Nor rays of promise cheats the pensive gloom.

Paul McCartney or Kenneth Cole...that is the question. Now, the day after I met Paul he wrote a song about me...Yummie. The day after I met Kenneth he called wanting to know when we were going to make fun of people again. You can see my delimma. Two things I love...music & making myself feel better about my extra weight by cutting others down. Honestly, it's tough. Paul follows his heart...even if that means quasi-destitution. Kenneth...let's just say sometimes I wonder if he should be living in Montrose he loves clothes so much. And he puts product in his perfectly groomed hair...his shoes ALWAYS match his belt...and his jeans hit the ground at precisely the right spot. I'll be honest, it's a bit intimidating getting ready for a date with him. I'm fascinated with Paul...but Kenneth is a bit more socially acceptable. I'm going crazy. It's true...wait...ehh..yup...cue the head voices...

Nigel

Today I think I've officially become responsible. Gag. I'm heading out in a few minutes to clean out the evidence of two and a half years of motoring ecstasy and bank account etherisation. My baby Nigel is going up for adoption hopefully by the end of the week. Mama realized she had to do what was right for her, which also includes an extended holiday to Italy before the year is out...made possible by the kind folks that enjoy car payments! So, back to my high school ride I venture...a beat up 1991 Toyota Camry with 182,000 miles on it. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

So, you wanna know about the title

My Ex/Friend was talking to me about how I could repay a debt to him...a $411 debt to him. Being the boy I loved for 2 yrs, he says, "hey, you can pay me back in sexual favors". I quickly respond, "vomit". "Come on Susan. I'll go to the Winn Dixie, pick up some condoms & a Cosmo...you know...in case you get bored", he replies. So, being the virtuous girl I am, I hoped in my car, drove my fat ass to Dallas, & the dreaded ex made lots of deposits in Bank of Virginia's Canyon. Ha ha ha...Just kidding. I didn't do it...I swear on the Bible...the Quran...the Pentatuke...the Book of Mormon...even my Britney Spears anthology album.