Recently, I received the following MySpace email….
Hey, so I’m sorry I haven’t called or returned your text the other night. I realize I’m a weiner for doing this on myspace, but here it is. That Saturday we went out, I had gone on a date Friday night, anyways I’ve been kind of seeing that girl ever since.
So, just thought I’d explain. Maybe we can still hang and be friends, I’m not sure, you might hate me or you might not even care. Females are still a complete mystery to me.
Aaron
The name…not changed to protect the innocent…because…well…he’s not innocent. This is the same dork boy that was mentioned in the blow blog. I found this email only disturbing due to my ego that does not enjoy bruising of any kind. My ego card…declined. Life does not take Ego credit. However, this is still priceless. I’ve been in advertising far too long.
I know I’m going to catch so my slack for my next comment…but I care not. I wish he had just stopped calling/returning messages. The oxidizing scorn felt traversing the 200 miles from Houston to Austin.
Now allow me to explain. I went out on one date…one date with the above yahoo. Does this really deserve a break up email of sorts? No. This got me to thinking. Why the hell would anyone write such an email after having one date with the person?
My theory:
This boy really was a huge dork in high school. Now time has been good to him. He did come out of his shell and join the legions in the social world. He did grow into his then awkward looks and even shot up a few inches. However, I noticed the time we were sitting in the heavy heat of an Austin summer on the deck at Opal Divines throwing back a few smooth, amber, foreign beers, that he would NOT stop saying things like: you know…we were a bunch of frat boys. And you know I lived with a bunch of frat boys. And the only time I got arrested I was with all the frat boys. I dismissed it then…but I think there is more to this. He’s reassuring himself that he is in fact cool now. He also talked about all these hot girls he’s dated since high school…another indicator of insecurities. Of course, I retaliate with some swanky charity event I went to in Dallas with J and a couple of ridiculous Reality Television “Stars” and how they were all in love with me, but I was good and went home to my boyfriend…who just so happens to own two wine bars in Dallas now. Ok…So, I’m insecure and immature too. Whatever.
More on his personality. He’s never been one to be overly considerate. So, why now would he be so nice as to “explain” why he wasn’t calling anymore? Why I wondered. I wondered and wondered. Not because I care that much. You know I would tell you if I did. It’s pretty much like this. I didn’t have much to do Saturday afternoon but sit around with Frank and his fresh feline friends. This boredom birthed my theory. Maybe…just maybe he felt compelled to write me this email as one last ego boost for him. The response I think he might have been seeking was something like this: ah well that’s just too bad. I had such a nice time with you. Yes, we should stay in touch and most definitely be friends. Or maybe something along these lines: Who the hell do you think you are? Why would a cool girl like me give two shits about a dork boy like you? Both, quite satisfying to the ego. Example A) I’m a sweet girl with a nice temperament that really liked him and wanted to see what would happen and is quite sad about the fact that HE rejected me. Example B) I was SO upset by the email that I lashed out, uncharacteristically, and am still quite sad about the fact the HE rejected me. Both responses caressed and massaged his still healing wounds of former dorkdom.
The following is a true testament of how I responed:
I guess I have to stop planning our wedding now. I kid I kid. Totally cool.
Lemme know whenever you wanna kick it.
Quite unsatisfying to the ego. I took it like a champ. Rose above the occasion and thrust the joke back on him. Needless to say…there has been absolutely no response from him…nor any attempt to contact me as ‘common and indifferent acquaintances’. In the words of a modern day Robert Frost, “I don’t wanna be the bandage if the wound is not mine”.
So, boys. This is what you’ve all been waiting for! Just stop calling. I’m not gonna rub you haired and matted underbelly of an ego. I’m not. Well, not if you stop rubbing mine. No one likes an insecure buggar.
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1 comment:
Look at it this way, if guy is going to break up with you in a letter that isnt written in 14 lines of iambic pentameter, he most likely isnt the right man for you anyway.
When I was in college, I knew alot of people like Aaron. Dorks in high school, then they go to college, join a fraternity and think they are cool. I think this is b/c in high school, they felt rejected by the mainstream crowd, and when they joined the fraternity, they meet alot of people like themselves and felt accepted. People have a need for affiliation, and joining a fraternity and feeling cool satisfied this need for Aaron.
I did say that I knew alot of people like that in college. Did it bother me? No. I try not to let other peoples identities bother me. Actually. it did at first, but then I learned how to deal with it. There are two types of pretentious people. Cool pretentious people and pretentious dorks. The first of which is your "player" type that wont talk to a girl that he considers under him, and thinks he is the king of the world. The latter of which is someone who thinks they are better than everyone else but in reality they are a loser.
I just ignore them all. I have always considered myself a good judge of character, and the Holden Caufield in me can tell after a few minutes of talking to someone whether they are good/real/interesting/funny/intelligent/down to earth/(whatever other qualities i admire in people) enough to talk to me. If not, i walk away. Except when i am sitting next to someone on an airplne, then it sucks.
I think you should have a similar attitude. Why the fuck is Aaron good enough to talk to you and/or hang out with you? What qualities did he have when you intially met him made him that made him good enough for you? You dont give a shit about stories about a faternity. And your description of him makes me think that you probably initially thought he was a pretentious dork. And, i have heard your diatribes on pretentious people, so someone like that isnt worth your fucking time.
I do admire the fact that you had class. Instead of lashing out, you said back what you said. At least take pride in yourself that you are a better person than he is b/c you didnt want to damage his ego although you think that was his intention towards you.
It all comes down to rejection and acceptance. IT feels good when people accept you and it feels bad when people reject you. Just remember that you have to know who the people are that are doing either the accepting or rejecting before you decide whether it is worth it to feel good, bad, or indifferent.
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